Be careful with me!

As i begin to listen to cardi b new song and listen to the lyrics i felt this in my spirit. It was like something came over me. Then i replayed that night that i found out that " he" played with my heart! The actual reason why I'm scared to date! The reason why i only think there is a smoothe  24 guys  in the world that don't cheat. Today I'm going to go deep with this post. Now know I'm bringing up some wounds i haven't yet to heal. I'm going to try to tell you a lot but not saying a lot. Here it goes! 

So I have know this guy for over 11 plus years met him always kept in touch a year so time ago we decided to like really get to know each other. Then every day we feeling each other out. Knowing asking questions etc. But wait there was warning signs red mother fucking flags. I'll pass on which and what not to share. The first question i asked him was he in single he said yes! Bitch ask this question next time " you have a girlfriend are dating is shit serious are you in a situation"'the clarity will save you tears. The text messages became not get answered. We went to bed every night speaking to each other and now it's like a text message it takes forever But he on ig or Facebook. Then one day I had time i decided to check his page out, boom guess what i found a girl tag him looked then went threw her shit too! I'm livid I'm crying I'm shaking! I am going threw every damn girl emotion you can have! I was sad for almost a week like i was not really talking to people. I was crying at the drop of a dime. I thought we was building a bond a friendship shit a relationship. Then he negated this one thing. Are you trying to figure out is she cute lol? Here is what i think ... i think she is pretty but here's the but she does not dress well her clothes look cheap and her toes hang over her shoes. But she does look like she has a nice body and prob a nice girl. Oh but back to his dog ass! We had a conversation and it really went no where because he does not want to basically see where and how he played a role into this scorn shit! You talk to someone every damn day and they don't tell you that! But you can tell and ask me anything else? You lost toooo? Shit i still am! But what makes this situation so complicated is i love him and i know he a great guy make a girl happiest ever! But i know his ass is not out of the 24 non cheating men! Shit he cheating with me cause ain't shit changed but i ain't fucked him. He still tells me love me every night. But i decided this though April 6 I'm prayed fasting and removing everything that ain't for my inner and greater good out my life! I think until we find a even ground with what we doing and his accessibility to is only to me I'm smoove on him. I know that was a lot to take in! But i just said i was getting real! I'm in a damn situation that ain't my situation but I'm in love btw i just screamed laughing but i want to share that vent. The song by cardi actually explains every detail of emotion and how i feel is worth it. The same shit he did to me i could have done too but that's not my m.o. When she said "You even got me trippin', you got me lookin' in the mirror different Thinkin' I'm flawed because you inconsistent Between a rock and a hard place, the mud and the dirt It's gon' hurt me to hate you, but lovin' you's worse". I felt it! Ladies let's just learn to be great and pray that we don't continue with these cycles. Have a great holiday thanks for reading and like share subscribe!